beth evans - art & stuff

Aug 11

On Robin Williams

When I wanted to kill myself, it was three days before Christmas. I found myself at the hospital, in a room with no windows and a locked door. Sometime well after midnight, a social worker came in. She asked me questions about my history of mental health, my family, friends, work, bowel movements, hopes, aspirations – you name it. For some reason she took an interest in the fact I make comics. I explained that I was having trouble managing it all, and was currently in a blinding, all consuming depression. 

“You know,” she said “Robin Williams has had his share of hardships with mental illness, and he found a way to do things and work. Have you seen Good Will Hunting?”

“Yeah” I said.

“Have you seen Dead Poets Society?”

“Yeah”

“So he found a way to make them and balance work, family, and all those things. The scale of it might change over time, but he made it work.”

She took some more notes, we chatted, and she left, and I laid beneath the halogen lights thinking about Robin Williams. It must have been a lot of work to make that many movies, to do that many tours, to win that many awards, and to be that famous. Doing it all and still fighting personal demons.

I eventually got out of the hospital. Finding reasons to live every day was tough. I spent Christmas with my family, smoking unfiltered cigarettes in the sub zero weather with my brother. The days passed, and I spent more time with doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, anyone to keep me going. And I kept going.

Robin Williams stuck around in my mind.

To me, he was the ultimate success – someone who has personal demons, problems, and issues – and found a way to keep achieving things. I wanted to emulate him, from the standpoint of being extraordinarily talented and driven while dealing with your issues. And being genuinely funny along the way. Sometimes on tough days, I had to remind myself that he did all these things despite his personal setbacks, and it pushed me to move onward.   

Mr. Williams, I hope you’re in a better place and doing alright. You’ve touched the lives of many, and you most definitely touched the life of a scared, depressed girl in the hospital last winter.

O captain, my captain

May 26

May 19

May 18

May 17

I got all my hair cut off almost a week ago and I am STILL wearing three hair ties on my wrist

May 12

lilacliquorr said: Wow you watched Eurovision? I didn't know non-Europeans watched it too. Awesome doodles ^^

I have family in the UK, so I’ve been in the loop, but this was the first year I joined the party. I’m glad I did!

(also thank you!)

May 11

inked and colored all my Eurovision doodles!

inked and colored all my Eurovision doodles!

neilslorance:

I was live drawing the Eurovision last night! 

neilslorance:

I was live drawing the Eurovision last night! 

[video]