do you vaguely tolerate me but also have a passion for the eurovision song contest
excellent news, because you can follow my tumblr undomysads, where i will probably exasperate everyone with an internet connection with my love for the contest, with endless babbles about semi finals, costumes, and performances
spoiler alert : you will find out my favorite nul point performance of all time
A few years ago I wrote about how I bought Beck’s album Odelay from a dollar bin, and when I opened it some pizza coupons that expired in 1998 fell out. Well, today I opened the CD to look at the linear notes, and out popped a t-shirt transfer of the album cover.
When I wanted to kill myself, it was three days before Christmas. I found myself at the hospital, in a room with no windows and a locked door. Sometime well after midnight, a social worker came in. She asked me questions about my history of mental health, my family, friends, work, bowel movements, hopes, aspirations – you name it. For some reason she took an interest in the fact I make comics. I explained that I was having trouble managing it all, and was currently in a blinding, all consuming depression.
“You know,” she said “Robin Williams has had his share of hardships with mental illness, and he found a way to do things and work. Have you seen Good Will Hunting?”
“Yeah” I said.
“Have you seen Dead Poets Society?”
“So he found a way to make them and balance work, family, and all those things. The scale of it might change over time, but he made it work.”
She took some more notes, we chatted, and she left, and I laid beneath the halogen lights thinking about Robin Williams. It must have been a lot of work to make that many movies, to do that many tours, to win that many awards, and to be that famous. Doing it all and still fighting personal demons.
I eventually got out of the hospital. Finding reasons to live every day was tough. I spent Christmas with my family, smoking unfiltered cigarettes in the sub zero weather with my brother. The days passed, and I spent more time with doctors, psychiatrists, therapists, anyone to keep me going. And I kept going.
Robin Williams stuck around in my mind.
To me, he was the ultimate success – someone who has personal demons, problems, and issues – and found a way to keep achieving things. I wanted to emulate him, from the standpoint of being extraordinarily talented and driven while dealing with your issues. And being genuinely funny along the way. Sometimes on tough days, I had to remind myself that he did all these things despite his personal setbacks, and it pushed me to move onward.
Mr. Williams, I hope you’re in a better place and doing alright. You’ve touched the lives of many, and you most definitely touched the life of a scared, depressed girl in the hospital last winter.
Flower Boy Next Door is a great Korean TV series about a girl, Dok Mi, who never leaves her apartment. She’s a book editor haunted by her past, and watches other tenants in the apartment complex through her window. Enrique is a video game developer, recently back from Spain. When a misunderstanding causes the two to cross paths, the other tenants take an interest in Dok Mi, and attempt to help her come back into the world.